Finding Peace in an Exploded Friendship: When Healing Won’t Come

Sometimes after a relationship explodes healing simply won’t come.  There is so much hurt all conversation stops.  What then?


Photo by enggul

Photo by enggul


My fractured friendship had descended to that place.  I would see this person often but all conversation had ceased.  When we saw each other we would literally walk the other way.  There was so much hurt there was no chance for healing.  And this rebuffing inflicted even more pain.

Yet, God in his grace, through many quiet moments thinking about it began to heal my heart.  I simply gave it over to him as I have so many other things I could not solve and his healing began.  I rested in his love and let him heal me from the inside.

With that healing I began to feel the first semblance of caring again.  I thought about how hurt this friend must feel and my part in that.


I discovered peace again. 


Whether this relationship healed or not God was healing me.  And that gave me enough peace to stop the hurt cycle.

God reminded me of all the love I’m filled with and surrounded by.  First, his love that has undergirded my life for many years.

Then all the love he has brought into my life through my family and friends.  It took pressure off the fractured friendship.  I could relax about it whatever came.

Frankly, that started the relationship healing.


Jesus said, “You will weep while others rejoice.  But your grief will be turned into joy.”  (John 16:20)


Out of grief can appear amazing joy.


You may be in an exploded relationship that is crushing your life.  It once fulfilled you and you thought of it fondly.

But it dissolved into an endless cycle of hurt and retaliation. Finally it was crushed and your heart was crushed along with it.

Truthfully, not all relationships will be reconciled.  Sometimes there’s just too much damage.  Sometimes both parties don’t want it.

Yet, in our relationship with Jesus we can find healing in the core of our soul.  Sometimes that’s the only place we find it.  But that’s enough to start the healing.


Often in those darkest times the only love we may feel is God’s. 


Frankly though, in those times we may feel God’s presence and love in a way we never have before.  And that will start the healing that will never be taken away.

As that healing takes place we begin to escape our shell of self pity.  We may even reach out to the one we’re estranged from.  That offer may be received or not.  But in reaching out we realize our healing has started.

We open ourselves again to others who we care about and who care about us.  We realize God has filled our lives with love.  And we start caring about those loved ones and invest ourselves in them again.

And finally we wake up one day and realize we’re smiling again.  The problems may not be resolved, the fractured relationship may not be mended but a mysterious joy has returned.  One that makes no sense other than God himself is smiling on us with pleasure and we can’t help but feel joyful.

Jesus never promised we would be free from hurt.  But he did promise we could be healed from it.


When have you felt God’s love in the midst of a hurtful relationship?  What was it like?  You can respond in the comments.


If you have found this post encouraging I hope you will share it with a friend who may need it.  Blessings.